Saying farewell is hard. Fr. George and emotional healing.

“Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.”

Rumi

Life is a story, a narrative, with a beginning and an end, and in between (hopefully) many chapters, some longer and some shorter. When a chapter finishes, or is left unfinished, it is emotional. It is emotional because you are back to a blank page, you can start a new chapter -you should start a new chapter.

Saying goodbye is a process shared by all humanity, the emotions that we share when we say farewell. Books, films, plays, operas, ballets, songs, poems (especially poems), you name it, have been devoted to saying goodbye, how we deal with it, how we process, the whole messy procedure. And here is the space for magic to happen in the space left by the person who has left. As you let go of the person leaving, you are on the threshold, you are now open to growth, to seeing what you can take from the friendship, or whatever it was, and make yourself a better person, a more understanding person. Or you can become bitter and insecure.

It is in these transitional moments of our lives that authentic transformation can happen. Otherwise, it is just business as usual and an eternally boring, status quo existence. 

Richard Rohr

From family members, to loved ones, friends that sometimes you love as much as family, or even someone you have recently met but with whom you connected with, and everybody in between. Saying goodbye is hard.

The key word there is connection; the moment you share, you laugh, you cry, everything forms a connection with the other person.

Fr. George generously invited me to go paddle boarding with him last Fall, it became a bit of a tradition, going out early in the morning for an hour or so, and then getting a coffee at Willy Cafe before heading to work. We connected. Now he is leaving our school and going back to Orlando. As a proper surfer, Fr. George is known to wear Hawaiian shirts when not in his clerics; The other day, to celebrate him, we all agreed to wear Hawaiian shirts in his honor, it was fun and moving at the same time!

Words are so clumsy at explaining the feelings, the void left in your heart when someone leaves, dies, ghosts you, whatever.

Of the many, many words to express goodbyes, I like Rumi’s quote at the top and this poem a lot. What are your favorite farewell songs, poems, books? Let me know in the comments.

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Pancreatic Cancer Action Network PanCAN

Luciano Pavarotti, Steve Jobs, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Aretha Franklin, Patrick Swayze, Joan Crawford, Dizzy Gillespie, Alex Trebek. What do these people have in common with my father?

They all died of pancreatic cancer.

My father died in 2015, so when an opportunity arose a few months ago to volunteer at the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network PanCAN, I signed up.

The purpose of PanCAN is to help folks with pancreatic cancer. We sponsor researchers and doctors, clinical studies, and then we help divulge the findings and help patients:

Our mission is to take bold action to improve the lives of everyone impacted by pancreatic cancer by advancing scientific research, building community, sharing knowledge, and advocating for patients.

PanCan Mission Statement

PanCAN’s main event is a 5k fundraising event held across the US on the 29th of April. There was a lot of preparation involved in organizing the event. I drove to the Burt Aaronson Park in Boca Raton on the Friday before the event to help set up.

I returned on Saturday to see thousands of people signed up to do the walk -and more importantly, to fundraise. The event was an enormous success. I spent all morning running around getting this, helping with that, bringing something to someone, setting it up, breaking down, cheering walkers, staffing the Photo Booth, etc. it was exhausting but extremely rewarding!

I cannot wait to start helping with next year’s walk!

Oh, if I have inspired you to donate or to explore this further, click here! Thanks!

The awesome band!

Alfred Lord Tennyson

For a long time, I just had this title sitting in my drafts box. Today I finally approached it.

Poetry and poems grow with you, some stay longer than others, some come and go, some you even forget, and some stay with you forever.

In my case Neruda and Cavafy are both engraved in my memory since my college days. Also, from my days in university, Tennyson, but he drifted out, like the many poets in the massive Victorian Prose and Poetry book we studied. Some lines stayed with me, like “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” from In Memoriam A.H.H.

But a few lines kept re-visiting me, like messages from a distant shore. When I left Spain in 2005, I memorized the whole poem, to recite it to my friends during the farewell dinner (at Alfredo’s, of course).

Then, every Summer, at my mother’s country house I reach for that big old book and search for that poem, and read it, and more often than not, cry.

Yes, the poem is famous, yes, Frasier recited it in his farewell from his TV show, and yes, M recites it in a recent James Bond film, but that does not make it any less good. On the contrary, it is a testament to the quality of the poem.

Here it is, enjoy. (If you are pressed for time, the final 15 lines are the most well known, I have marked the spot with an *.)

And if you would rather listen to the poem click here, it is a 5 minute listen.

Ulysses

It little profits that an idle king,

By this still hearth, among these barren crags,

Match’d with an aged wife, I mete and dole

Unequal laws unto a savage race,

That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.

I cannot rest from travel: I will drink

Life to the lees: All times I have enjoy’d

Greatly, have suffer’d greatly, both with those

That loved me, and alone, on shore, and when

Thro’ scudding drifts the rainy Hyades

Vext the dim sea: I am become a name;

For always roaming with a hungry heart

Much have I seen and known; cities of men

And manners, climates, councils, governments,

Myself not least, but honour’d of them all;

And drunk delight of battle with my peers,

Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.

I am a part of all that I have met;

Yet all experience is an arch wherethro’

Gleams that untravell’d world whose margin fades

For ever and forever when I move.

How dull it is to pause, to make an end,

To rust unburnish’d, not to shine in use!

As tho’ to breathe were life! Life piled on life

Were all too little, and of one to me

Little remains: but every hour is saved

From that eternal silence, something more,

A bringer of new things; and vile it were

For some three suns to store and hoard myself,

And this gray spirit yearning in desire

To follow knowledge like a sinking star,

Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

         This is my son, mine own Telemachus,

To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle,—

Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfil

This labour, by slow prudence to make mild

A rugged people, and thro’ soft degrees

Subdue them to the useful and the good.

Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere

Of common duties, decent not to fail

In offices of tenderness, and pay

Meet adoration to my household gods,

When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.

         There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:

There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,

Souls that have toil’d, and wrought, and thought with me—

That ever with a frolic welcome took

The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed

Free hearts, free foreheads—you and I are old;

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;

Death closes all: but something ere the end,

Some work of noble note, may yet be done,

Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.

The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:

The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep

Moans round with many voices. * Come, my friends,

‘T is not too late to seek a newer world.

Push off, and sitting well in order smite

The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds

To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths

Of all the western stars, until I die.

It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:

It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,

And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.

Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’

We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Happy second birthday Film Club!!

Well, what an honor it is to celebrate the second anniversary of Film Club! It is such a pleasure to sit (in the interweb) with three brilliant film lovers and just talk about the 7th art. It is one of the highlights of the month for me. If the weather cooperates, I will set up on my back porch, prepare some cheese, crackers, a little vino, a square of chocolate and a cigar. Then sit back and enjoy the meeting. We take turns talking about each movie. Of course, the best bits are when we disagree. By now we have a good sense of who is going to like which films, so we have an excellent rapport.

This month we are slowing down a bit to only two films: Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai and the American Western it inspired: The Magnificent Seven.

And the movies! Every month exploring four films in whatever genre we choose for our turn. I ventured off from a genre in July, to explore Meryl Streep’s acting. It was sad we could only watch four of her films, August Osage County was so good I wrote about it here. Another innovation this year was inviting a guest curator, Russian Literature, Film, and Culture professor Anthony Anemone (yes, he is the dad of one of our members) who recommended four brilliant films and had a great presentation for each.

I would write more about the films we watch every month, but I do not want this blog to be a film review blog, there are plenty of those and only one with my silly stories, so there.

Here is what we have watched this year. (For last year’s list, click here)

War (March)

Bridge over the River Kwai (1957)

The Deer Hunter (1978)

Come and See (1985)

Tropic Thunder (2008)

Crime and Punishment (April)

The Killing (1956)

Dirty Harry (1971)

Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (2006)

Un Prophete (2009)

Art (May)

Tambien la Lluvia (2010)

Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)

Mr. Turner (2014)

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)

Meryl Streep (July)

Kramer vs Kramer (1979)

Sophie’s Choice (1982)

Julie & Julia (2009)

August: Osage County (2013)

Fantasy (August)

Princess Mononoke (1995)

Tale of Tales (2015)

A Monster Calls (2016)

The Green Knight (2021)

The System is Broken (September)

Brazil (1985)

I, Daniel Blake (2016)

Judas and the Black Messiah (2021)

The White Tiger (2021)

Spy (October)

Dr. No (1962)

The Lives of Others (2006)

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011)

An Officer and a Spy (2019)

RomCom (November)

Roman Holiday (1953)

Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)

The Birdcage (1996)

Punch Drunk Love (2002)

Childhood (December)

Paper Moon (1973)

Stand by Me (1986)

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

Moonlight (2016)

Russian/Polish as Curated by Tony Anemone (January)

Taxi Blues (1990)

Hipsters (2008)

Ida (2013)

Leviathan (2014)

Documentaries (February)

Jiro Dreams of Sushi (2011)

Icarus (2017)

Gunda (2020)

Fireball: Visitors from Darker Worlds (2020)

Women (March Women’s month)

Todo Sobre mi Madre (1999)

Lady Bird (2017)

Revenge (2017)

TAR (2022)

South Florida does have a redeeming quality: the ocean.

It is a well-known fact that South Florida is a suburban wasteland, with crazy development (Florida does not have income tax, so they compensate it with property tax, thus the constant building…). As you drive through South Florida it is golf course after residential development after shopping strips, again and again, for mile upon mile… However, there is one massive redeeming quality, yes you guessed it: the ocean.

I am privileged to live walking distance from the beach, and I try to go two or three times a week.

If it is my cardio day and the tide is low, I will go for a run on the beach. Alternatively, if it is my cardio day and the water conditions are good -something rare here, since there is usually rip tide warnings, Portuguese Man-O-War, chop, etc. etc.- I will go for an open water swim of about a mile.

On Sunday evenings, before yoga, I will go for a walk/meditation and with a big bucket, clean up the beach. The amount of trash one picks up is crazy, check out my report here.

At the beginning of the year a dear colleague took me Stand Up Paddling in the Intracoastal (read about it here), but recently we have been going out on the beach and actually surfing!! Although I have much to learn and I have only caught baby waves, it is great fun!!

In a very generous act. Fr. George gifted me the board I have been using recently, what an honor!

Finally, occasionally, I will just go for a walk on the beach, no bucket for picking up trash, no running, just a nice walk.

So, as much as I complain about Florida, I do love getting out on the water, or at least running next to it.

Preparing for the Camino, and Santiago The Journey Within

If you type “preparing for the Camino” on the Interweb you are going to get hundreds, maybe thousands of articles and videos on what to pack for the Camino, how to get in shape for the Camino -guilty as charged, even I have written about this. What you are less likely to find is how to really prepare for the Camino, not for the exterior journey, folks in the Middle Ages did it without Gore-Tex, superhightech gear, and without cellphones, but for the interior journey, the one you do not need any gear for.

Yes, there is some overlap: the less you pack, the happier your body will be and not surprisingly, the happier your soul, you, are going to be.

Basically you want to get your mind and your soul (your mind, unfortunately- if you have cleared your head and are living in the present moment, good for you!). So if you have to ask forgiveness, do so before you leave, if you have to settle things, try to do so beforehand. Again, the lighter you travel, the better.

Back in the Middle Ages, there were some guidelines about preparing for the spiritual journey, which have been lost, since the Camino became a bit of a hippie, gofindyourself trek in the early eighties.

My dear Richard Rohr recently wrote about pilgrimage in his daily meditations (if you are not yet receiving them sign up here) and he mentioned the Medieval tradition:

First of all, you had to make amends with everyone you had ever wronged. Also, if you went on pilgrimage holding any kind of unforgiveness, it could not be a good pilgrimage. You couldn’t leave your town until you’d forgiven everyone who’d ever wronged you. Certainly, this is an attitude that we can pray for at the beginning of any pilgrimage: that God would keep our hearts open and loving, because a pilgrimage can’t just be a tourist trip. The meaning of a pilgrimage is an interior journey. Primarily, it’s an interior journey enacted exteriorly.”

Secondly, and a practical, interesting thing, is that if they were going to go on pilgrimage, pilgrims had first to ask permission of their wife, husband, and family. The idea was that they had to leave everything in right relationship at home. If they had any material debts, they also had to pay those before they left. They couldn’t go on pilgrimage until their spiritual and physical debts were paid, and they had permission from all the right people.

Next, they had to go to confession before leaving. Sometime in the course of a pilgrimage, celebrating some kind of reconciliation was deemed very appropriate. Again, there’s that cleansing, that letting go. Perhaps those of us who’ve already been down to the Grotto [1] have seen the basin of water on the far end with the words that Mary spoke to Bernadette. It states, “Go wash your face and cleanse your soul.” What a symbol of reconciliation! It’s a prayer. Above all else, pilgrimage is praying with your body, and it’s praying with your feet. It’s an exterior prayer, and the exterior prayer keeps calling you into the interior prayer.

Rohr writes a week’s worth of content which you can check out here.

As I was thinking about this blog post, my students invited me to see Santiago The Journey Within, a reflection more than a documentary on the Camino. The film, led by Bishop Donald J. Hying, has beautiful photography and music, but sadly lacks a narrative, a connecting thread, which makes it difficult to immerse oneself in the film. Also the last 45 minutes of the film is just Bishop Hying talking about the Camino at a university conference. Beautiful words, but less than gripping action.

There you have it. Make sure your mind is ready as much -if not more- than your backpack!

¡Buen Camino!

PS: If you are really into this, you can read Image and Pilgrimage in Christian Culture by Victor Turner and Edith Turner.

Why you should read 19th century novels; Victor Hugo´s Notre-Dame de Paris.

From the time of the ancient Greeks until the 15th century, the preferred format for literature was poetry; epic poetry, sonnets, pastourelles, so on. By the 15th century theatre took hold as the preeminent platform for writing; the different characters able to portray different points of view, and the fact that you did not need to know how to read to follow along, helped. The dominant format of the Enlightenment was the essay as we scrambled to put “order” into the world. And although my dear Cervantes basically “invented” the novel in 1600 (the word novella comes from the Italian, but these were not long narratives), this format did not fully flourish until the 19th century, and boy did it flourish!

A couple of factors that drove the popularity of the novel was that the printing press and paper making technology was well advanced, as well as the fact that many more people knew how to read.

The result are long, intricate novels with great character descriptions and narrative arches -Dickens, great philosophical dialogues –Dostoevsky, detailed historical dramas -Tolstoy. In fact, most European countries saw a great spike in novels in the 19th Century.

In Spain, Leopoldo Alas “Clarín” and Benito Pérez Galdós stand out. In France, Alexandre Dumas, Flaubert, Verne, and today’s featured author, Hugo among many others marked the 19th C. In Germany, Goethe led the Romantic movement! In Ireland, Joyce, Wilde, and Stoker represent. In Russia Dostoyevsky and Tolstoy are most famous, (click here for Russian lit) but not the only ones (Pushkin and Turnegev are in that list). In England, the list is too long to write down, but let’s just say: Jane Austen, Emily and Charlotte Brontë, Lord Byron, Lewis Carroll, Doyle, and of course, Dickens.

All this to say that I just read Victor Hugo’s Notre Dame de Paris written in 1833, and I have loved it! It is beautifully crafted, amazing, evil, charming, funny, stupid, great characters with, of course, Quasimodo being grotesque but with a beautiful heart. The Cathedral itself is very much a character in the novel, as Hugo was advocating for the preservation of Gothic architecture in a time when old buildings were being torn down to build new ones. The story fits more into the Romantic movement that the later Realist movement, what with all the darkness and gargoyles. I read a French edition that my sister gifted me for Christmas last year, sorry I am running a bit behind on my reading list.

Confession time: I have not seen the Disney version so I cannot judge how faithfully it represents the book, but hey, it is a Disney film. There is also a ballet, a musical, an old film, etc.

Now go read some 19th c. novels!!! You are welcome.

Public Service Announcement (PSA): Wear a hat and sunscreen (and a shirt)!!

The spot comes off

 “Out, damned spot”

Lady Macbeth, Macbeth, Shakespeare

As they say: with great power comes great responsibility, since I have the powerful platform that is my blog, it is my job to tell you to wear a hat and sunscreen when the sun is out – and sometimes also when it is cloudy – oh, and a shirt.

You see, I recently noticed a not very nice looking spot on my schnoz, snout, smeller, horn, sneezer, nose. It grew and grew to the point where I had to do something about it.

I sent a photo to my sister who has a dear friend dermatologist Dra. Isabel Aldanondo, who told me it could be actinic keratosis, which can turn into cancer, and should get it looked at Stateside…

So, I searched for a dermatologist close to home and booked an appointment.

Dr. Nielsen is one of the nicest doctors I can remember dealing with. He listens, he explains things, he manages the small talk, and then he grabbed his ice gun and froze my spot: let it go, let it go, and it went – well, after falling off, getting a crust and have that fall off, and finally healing! I recommend Dr. Nielsen without reservations, he and his staff are professional, attentive, courteous, gentle and just overall nice.

In conclusion: use sunscreen, wear a hat, and when possible a shirt, and check your body for weird looking new spots.

You are welcome.

Soccer vs football vs fútbol, Major League Soccer, a night at the Miami Inter game.

Soccer, football, fútbol has always been played in the US, it was just never popular like baseball, American football, basketball or hockey, it was a college sport, like volleyball. Much has been written about this, but my reasoning on why soccer never became popular in the US reflects American isolation and provincialism.

The US was for decades self sufficient, it lacked the necessary international flow of goods and ideas to be on equal terms with the rest of the world. America did not so much trade as buy (or take, depending on the country) what they needed. Examples of this might be not using the metric system, not participating in WWI (until later), not joining the League of Nations (until later), etc. Sure, there were millions of immigrants, but their first concern was to assimilate into the local population as fast as possible; forgetting their language and adopting local “traditions” and way of life as a means of achieving the “American Dream”.

Only in the latter part of the 20th C until now, have many of those cultural barriers fallen and the US has (begrudgingly?)  opened up to the world. Maybe the new waves of immigrants were more reluctant to drop their heritage upon stepping on US soil, clearly technology has broken many walls, and so on.

But enough of my ramblings. The other day I was invited to the opening game of Inter Miami against Montreal. Some of my students generously offered tickets to a couple of us football loving teachers. The excursion was led by the Jesus Youth students; what a great bunch of generous, kind people.

One of the reasons Inter Miami is famous is because the president and one of the shareholders is David Beckham, husband of “Posh Spice” Victoria Beckham, and one of football’s great players, who like many greats played his golden years at Real Madrid. My sister Rocky was the first person to interview him when he arrived in Madrid in 2003!

We had a blast. Inter Miami still does not have a permanent stadium, playing out of a temporary facility, the AutoNation DRV PNK stadium. The beauty of a small stadium is how close everyone is to the field, it feels very intimate and enjoyable. Oh, Miami won 2-0.

Teaching outside the classroom

The way we teach is outdated. We get students into a room, fill their brains with knowledge, test them on that knowledge, and when they do that successfully, we put a funny hat on their heads and send them into the world. Yes, we have improved a lot over the last half century, but our basics are still based on medieval educational systems.

Which is one of the reasons I love coaching. Of course one cannot teach subject content in sports, but there are many, many human qualities we can teach on the field: participation, selflessness, hard work, teamwork, communication, leadership, observation, sacrifice, and on and on.

The first lesson is to show up for practice -early, so you can get ready and settled in. The more you show up to practice -and early- the more chances you have of starting on game day, even if there are more skillful players than you but who do not show up consistently nor on time for practice.

Time and again we see less skillful but more united teams will beat more skillful teams that does not pass or communicate as well.

Another valuable lesson is the importance of practice. Musicians and the military understand this concept and execute it very well; the more you practice the better you get. Good athletes also understand how importance repetition is.

A few weeks ago, we won our home game against our Miami rivals. Although our opponents played their hearts out, we played selflessly and communicating, passing the ball and trusting each other, it was a pleasure to see the guys play. Go Shepherds!!

Photo Credit Dylan McKay